{"id":5004,"date":"2020-12-15T13:54:40","date_gmt":"2020-12-15T10:54:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/emergywork.com\/?p=5004"},"modified":"2022-11-10T17:56:04","modified_gmt":"2022-11-10T14:56:04","slug":"is-it-okay-to-show-emotions-at-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/emergywork.com\/is-it-okay-to-show-emotions-at-work\/","title":{"rendered":"Is it okay to show emotions at work?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Can I show my emotions at work?\u201d <\/em>This is a question I get asked often and it is actually a very interesting question. But I also think it\u2019s the wrong one. I\u2019ll share a much better question later. Let\u2019s first dig into this question a little bit deeper and look at it from four perspectives:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. What happens if you DON\u2019T show any emotions?<\/li>\n
  2. What examples can we get from some of the big time leaders?<\/li>\n
  3. What are the assumptions behind this question?<\/li>\n
  4. What\u2019s the RIGHT question to ask then?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    1. What happens to corporations where emotions are not being expressed?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

    In famous still-face-experiments (you can watch an example here<\/a>), children become anxious and start crying if their mother (or father) stops making any facial expressions.<\/p>\n

    The same method has been tested with adults[1]<\/a>. The interviewer asked a simple question and then froze her face. And the results were shocking. People got anxious and their answers were disturbed. They started mumbling. They became clearly insecure.<\/p>\n

    When asked about the experience, they said they felt like they are saying something stupid<\/em>; like they\u2019re not meeting expectations<\/em>; they started to doubt themselves<\/em>; it was a very uncomfortable experience<\/em>.<\/p>\n

    Now, keeping a still face may be a great tactic in a poker game or during an interrogation when you want your opponent to feel very uneasy, but why on earth would you want to do such a thing in your workplace? This way you would KILL the emotional climate around you. People would become insecure. Their self-confidence would drop. Their creativity would stop. Their energy motivation and energy levels would go down. They would withdraw from social interactions. An organization where emotions are not expressed is an emotionally dead organization<\/a>.<\/p>\n

    [1] Danish documentary Experimentet, Line Friis Frederiksen<\/em><\/p>\n

    2. How do many prominent leaders relate to emotions?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

    If you think of famous leaders like Steve Jobs, Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos, one of their central characteristics is that they\u2019re very emotional. Or take a look at Microsoft\u2019s previous CEO Steve Ballmer<\/a> \u2013 jumping, screaming, being crazy.<\/p>\n

    These leaders are extreme examples, of course.<\/p>\n

    In fact, contrary to popular belief, most effective leaders tend to be rather boring<\/a>. But behind their boring appearance, they actually are emotionally mature<\/strong> \u2013 polite, considerate, consistent and reliable. They may seem calm, but not in an emotionally dead manner. There\u2019s a huge difference between suppressing<\/em> your emotions or being in balance<\/em> with your emotions. That\u2019s why many of the world\u2019s leading companies<\/a> (e.g. Google, Intel, Goldman Sachs) are teaching mindfulness and emotional intelligence<\/a> to their people. Actually, already 22% of companies<\/a> are offering programs in mindfulness.<\/p>\n

    3. Hidden assumptions behind the question<\/strong><\/h2>\n

    If lack of emotions is so damaging and many of the best leaders and companies are embracing the wisdom and power of emotions, why is it that so many people still think that expressing emotions at work is harmful? I believe there are several hidden assumptions behind this question:<\/p>\n

    Some people have an idea that showing emotions is unprofessional<\/strong>, childish, and that true professionals deal with facts only<\/em>. True professionals are on top of their emotions.<\/p>\n

    Others believe that you shouldn\u2019t take things personally<\/strong>. Work is work and whatever happens, it\u2019s not personal. So, keep calm.<\/p>\n

    They don\u2019t understand that it\u2019s always personal<\/em>. Emotions are always there<\/a>. If people care about their work, then they have emotions towards it.<\/p>\n

    Many people equate showing emotions with showing strong negative emotions<\/strong>. Getting angry or upset. Crying. Showing insecurity. No, true professionals don\u2019t do that.<\/p>\n

    But if you don\u2019t show emotions at work, does it also mean you shouldn\u2019t show positive emotions <\/strong>either? Would it be bad to show that you are proud<\/em> of your work and company? To be passionate<\/em> and excited<\/em> about your job? To clearly like<\/em> the people you work with? To express gratitude<\/em> for work well done?<\/p>\n

    Of course, there are<\/em> organizations where getting too excited or expressing gratitude is also seeing as na\u00efve or a sign of unprofessional immaturity. But it may be that it\u2019s not really the emotion that is the problem. There\u2019s another thing that may explain this. Which brings us to our last point.<\/p>\n

    4. What\u2019s the right question to ask?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

    Emotions are there.<\/a> Always, whether you like it or not. There\u2019s no switch in human beings that can turn the emotions off. So it doesn\u2019t really make sense to ask if you should show your emotions or not. People see them anyway. And they\u2019re contagious.<\/p>\n

    So what is the right question to ask?<\/p>\n

    It is this: HOW should I express my emotions at work?<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Expressing emotions is not the problem. If there\u2019s a problem, it\u2019s in the way you do it.<\/p>\n

    Do you always insult people when you get angry? Do you behave in a way that people are afraid of you? Do you scream and jump every time something nice happens? Do you laugh hysterically so that people around you get uneasy? More times than not people are not uncomfortable because you have emotions, but because you express your emotions in a way that makes them uncomfortable<\/em>.<\/p>\n

    Of course, there is not one right way of expressing emotions. It depends on your personality and it depends on your company culture. How do people express joy in your company? And frustration? There may be very different norms for different emotions.<\/p>\n

    So take a look at the emotional climate in your workplace. Then decide what you need to do. Do you want to adapt to the existing culture? Or is the only realistic option to leave and find a place better suited for your style? Or can you become a change agent for a healthy, flourishing emotional climate?<\/p>\n

    By Jarkko Rantanen. Originally published in 2017.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Can I show my emotions at work?\u201d This is a question I get asked often and it is actually a very interesting question. But I also think it\u2019s the wrong one. I\u2019ll share a much better question later. Let\u2019s first dig into this question a little bit deeper and look at it from four perspectives: […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5709,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,103],"tags":[509,505,507,515,501,511,513],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\n\t\t\n